M What a mess .

[A_Bibor_Farkas]

The moment the door eased shut behind her, Olyv leaned back against it and exhaled. Not the shuddering, panic-laced kind she’d grown used to over the last few hours...but something else. Lighter. Frayed at the edges, but real. Her fingers still trembled slightly as she moved, her muscles sore from the weight of everything she’d just poured out. The room felt colder now without Lysandra’s quiet heat behind her. Still, she was upright. She was moving. Step by step. Olyv padded barefoot down the short corridor that led back to the storage alcove where her things had been tossed the night before—haphazard, chaotic. A reflection of how she’d felt walking in. Now, in the soft low lighting of the crew quarters, everything looked too sharp. Too still. But she didn’t flinch from it. She peeled off the oversized tunic she’d borrowed..Lysandra’s, probably...and folded it carefully. Her gaze lingered on the worn hem, the faint trace of oil or ash-smudge along one sleeve. Her thumb brushed it once, thoughtful. Then she set it aside. She reached for her own gear: black stretch-trousers, worn soft at the knees, and a snug halter-style top the color of coppery earth. It fastened behind the neck and left her arms bare, her shoulders freckled and tense. Over it, she pulled on her parka..a loose-fitting, deep green coat with a thick fur-lined hood, the kind that always smelled faintly of pine resin and engine grease. The fabric brushed her thighs, the hem stitched crooked in places where she'd mended it herself. One sleeve was slightly longer than the other. The weight of it grounded her. No armor. No longcoat. She didn’t want to look like she was going to war. Just boots. Sturdy, scuffed up the sides, easy to run in...but she wouldn’t be running today. She tugged her auburn curls into a loose tie behind her head. Strands still damp from earlier curled wild and uneven, framing her flushed face and reddened eyes. No mirror. Didn’t need one. She knew how she looked..messy, raw, still blotchy from crying.But something in her posture had shifted. She stood taller now, shoulders square, chest tight with nerves...but her chin was up.
The door to the quarters hissed open, and she stepped out into the corridor. The hum of the ship greeted her..a constant, steady thrum beneath her feet. The dim lights along the floor cast long shadows, illuminating the occasional worn patch of wall or flickering panel. She passed by two bunks....empty. Past the common room where someone had left a half-finished cup of coffee rattling against a bulkhead with the ship’s quiet rhythm. Familiar. Lived-in. This was home. Every step echoed softer than the last. She moved with purpose now, boots striking metal like a heartbeat. Her hand brushed the wall once...steadying herself as she rounded the corner toward the lower crew cabins.
Her thoughts were spinning, still, but quieter. She could hear herself again underneath them.Find him. Say it. Face what comes. She took a breath. Then another. One hand at her side, fingers flexing once..twice inside the oversized sleeves of the parka. And then she was at their door. No knock. Not yet. Olyv stood there a moment longer, eyes closed, lips parted, head bowed. Not praying. Choosing....And then… she lifted her hand.

 

[Jack Pine]

The sudden hiss of the door sliding open was enough to stir Drake, a soft snore catching in the throat awkwardly as he shifted into a semi-awake state. Anywhere else, and he might have jolted all the way, that ambient edge of insecurity causing him to be alarmed and alert. But here on the Shrine where it was safe, it was a rare sight and case to see a man simply startled in his sleep almost normally. The heavy Slavic accent fumbling as Drake tried to piece together what was going on at first in an incoherent mumble, "H-huh wha, Ol- It's the middle of the night babe, what's goin' un?" His words seemed to clarify as his brain caught up to speed with realizing who it was in his door way, instinctually moving the covers open for her as he did, as he always did.

At first he waited for her slip in as usual, but that presence never came, realizing something was up as she lingered there. Sitting up, Drake seemed to sober up from his drowsiness, taking an upright position on the edge of the bunk in his briefs and T-shirt. "Olyv, what's going on? You're concerning me with how your hovering in the door. Did yo-," the merc began to ask, before the faint light managed to catch that puffy red of her eyes, and the glint of wet cheeks. "Olyv?"

 

[A_Bibor_Farkas]

Olyv stood in the doorway like a shadow unsure of itself. Her fingers tightened into the hem of her parka sleeves, shoulders hunched under the fur-lined hood. The green fabric felt too warm now..stifling..but she didn’t move to pull it off. Not yet. When he said her name, that second time...soft, startled, worried..her heart clenched like a fist. She swallowed hard. Then her voice came, thick with brogue and fatigue, every syllable shaky but deliberate. “Oi didn’t mean t’wake ye, love. Just…” She trailed off, then shook her head gently, curls bouncing loose from her tie. “Oi needed t’see ye.” She took a single step into the room, but didn’t close the door behind her. “Oi been up,” she continued, voice low, broken in places like driftwood caught on rocks. “Thinkin’. Feelin’. Feckin’ spiralin’, if we’re honest.” Her lips twitched at the corners, not quite a smile. “Did somethin’... somethin’ stupid. Or... maybe honest. Or maybe both.”
Her eyes flicked to him, glassy and swollen, but steady now. “Oi ain’t come t’fight, Drake. Ain’t come t’blame, neither. Just…” Her voice faltered again, but she kept going. Pushed through. “Oi love ye. Oi always have. Even when it’s hard. Even when me gut’s turnin’ sideways seein’ ye with someone else.” Her hand clutched the parka near her chest, knuckles pale. “Oi knew what yeh were. From the start. Knew yer heart was open. Generous. Always sharin’ yerself, and Oi..I swore Oi’d never ask yeh to change.” A sharp breath, her voice nearly cracking again.“But tonight… Oi let someone in. Someone who weren’t you. And Oi need yeh to know it weren’t outta spite. Weren’t outta wantin’ less of you.”Her voice dropped to a near-whisper, thick and trembling.“Oi think it were ‘cause... part o’ me needed t’feel wanted. Just for bein’ messy. Just fer breakin’. An’ she—she stayed. An’ it undid me, Drake.” She finally stepped in fully, arms still clutched to her chest, standing a few paces from him, raw and open and scared out of her skin. “Oi’m here now... ‘cause Oi need ye t’know all o’ it. T’hear it from me, not from whispers or wonderin’. And if ye hate me after this, if ye want me gone...Oi’ll go. But not before lookin’ ye in the eye and tellin’ ye true.” She paused briefly. “Oi still love ye. More than ever. And that’s what makes it hurt so feckin’ bad.”

 

[Jack Pine]

Drake seemed to blink a few times, as if wondering he'd actually awoken or not. "I don't unders-tand, you slept with someone, so you're now worried that I'm angry at ya? Why would I of all people be angry at you for something like that? Like I get, you being upset that you feel you broke a promise, but... me angry about it? The poly guy who does open and casual relationships? Who of the crew was it even," he asked after a moment of confused silence, orating all the puzzle pieces as they fell into place. The mental math of what she was thinking was not adding up for him, abstaining from clearing away the state of confusion. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, not angry, bewildered maybe. "I think I'm just very confused about where that part of it is coming from, you thinking me angry."

Truly he was, absolutely flabbergasted and dazed, but for none of the reasons she was likely expecting given her concerns. He was in no way trying to invalidate any of it either, but all the while, Drake felt as if she had overthought some aspects of her dilemma. There weren't many people he could think off hand, who'd have expected her sleeping with, some obvious write offs on that list. Which left three, yet only one was a recent addition, and not as familiar with their relationship. There was going to need to be a talk about it later, more in caution then anger as he mentioned, but this was far more important right now in the moment to sort out between them. Or mostly her, he guessed?

 

[A_Bibor_Farkas]

Olyv blinked hard, stunned by how gently he’d met her unraveling. For a moment, all she could do was stare....mouth parted, breath caught, like she’d walked into the wrong conversation entirely.
“Wait—yeh’re... not mad?” Her voice cracked a little at the edges, like she didn’t quite believe him. Like she’d already built a hundred versions of this conversation in her head, and none of them sounded like this. Her arms loosened from around her chest, fingers twitching at her sides. “Feck’s sake, Drake...” she breathed, almost laughing but not quite. Her hand scrubbed down her face as a shaky exhale escaped her. “Oi been bawlin’ me eyes out all night, thinkin’ Oi’d wrecked everythin’. Oi felt like a traitor. Thought ye’d see me as some backstabbey little hypocrite who couldn’t hold her own bloody line.” She stepped closer now, but slowly, cautiously...as if testing the ground beneath her wasn’t going to give way. “Aye, yer open. Yeh’ve always been. And Oi knew dat. But Oi’m not, Drake. Never ‘ave been. Oi stayed monogamous in an open thing fer you, even when it broke me guts sometimes. ‘Cause... Oi chose you. Oi kept choosin’ you.” Her voice trembled again, but her eyes were clearer now...wounded, yes, but centered in a way they hadn’t been when she walked in. “So when it ‘appened...when Oi let someone else in.it felt like Oi betrayed not you, but me. What Oi promised meself Oi’d be. Thought ye’d see me as lesser. Or worse, as somethin’ expected.” She rubbed the heel of her palm against her temple, flushed, fidgeting now like her whole body couldn’t settle. “Oi know it don’t make sense, love. Not t’you. And maybe it’s all just... stupid Olyv drama twisted up in me ribs again. But that’s where the fear came from. Oi wasn’t afraid ye’d lash out. Oi was afraid ye’d just... shrug. Say it’s no big deal. Say it’s normal. Say nothin’ at all.” Her voice dipped then, softer, more vulnerable than before. “’Cause if it didn’t mean anythin’ t’you... then what Oi did...what Oi gave someone else..that would wreck me.” she paused taking a breath. “It were Lysandra,” she admitted quietly. “It just... happened. She stayed. She saw me cry like a fool and she stayed. And it weren’t revenge. It weren’t planned. But it were real.” She took one more step forward. Close enough now to reach him if she wanted. “Oi’m not askin’ permission. Not askin’ forgiveness either. Oi just needed ye t’know. All of it.” Then quieter still: “‘Cause Oi still choose you, Drake. Even after....”

 

[Jack Pine]

"It's never been a matter of it not mattering in how significant such a thing is, I just don't believe in such a being constrained. It worries me to see you so distraught about it, because I know how important you've seen that devotion. The fact you chose me, knowing I couldn't be the same, means the world to me Olyv. There is never a day that I don't think about coming back to you, that I don't think, "I need to make it home for her" doing the work I do. Yours is the constant in my life, even as I freely share my own intimacy with others, you are the one I will always return home to," Drake explained, gently but with a solid confidence to make sure he was clear. How he wished for her to come over the rest of the way already, so that he could pull her into him and let her feel the comfort of what his body language said as his own words failed sometimes. He'd always had a natural ability to be gentle when needed, but not delicate, never not direct in what he said or did.

"I feel an important question you've now opened for yourself, is where do you stand with her? You let her in, and as much as I know you wanted to be faithful and true to just me. that should be reconciled, with how you and her accept doing so. I won't tell you that you can't see her, but her being in this deep now, should be considered. I know our values conflict, but I don't see you still accepting her as problem in of itself. If she loves and cares, and you feel that connection, it at the very least may be worth a try."

 

[A_Bibor_Farkas]

Olyv’s breath caught in her throat, chest tightening as she fought to steady the storm of emotions raging inside her. The lamplight caught the edges of her dark hair, and she found herself gripping the hem of her jacket so hard her knuckles blanched. For a moment, all she could see was Drake’s earnest gaze, the warmth in his eyes a beacon against the night. “Drake…begorrah, yer words cut through me like a warm fire on a bitter night,” she confessed at last, voice low and husky. “Nary a blink have I doubted the bond we share..an’ knowin’ ye’d still choose me, even knowin’ I can’t be tethered the same, ’tis a wondrous ache in me chest.” A tremor ran through her shoulders as she exhaled, the confession loosening something inside her. She took a cautious step closer, boots echoing softly on the worn floorboards. Shadows danced across the walls, mirroring the turmoil in her heart. “As for where I stand with her…’tis a right chaos in me heart. I ne’er meant t’ fling that door open, an’ yet ’tis wide as day. She sees the bits o’ me I’d buried deep...parts I thought belonged only t’ you..and it frightens the very life into me.” Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, vulnerability raw in her gaze.

A second passed, heavy with possibility, before she steadied herself again, chin lifting. “I’ll nae sugarcoat it..I’m torn to shreds. But if ye’re willin’ t’ tread this thorny path with me, by all that’s holy, I’ll try.” The resolve in her tone grew firmer, each word deliberate. “I’ll honour what we have, an’ maybe glimpse what could be, without forsakin’ either o’ us. If there’s room in yer heart for both those truths, then I’m yours...wherever that road leads.”

 

[Jack Pine]

"That's a very poetic way of saying we'll see how things go," Drake said at first, a small smile on his lips at seeing her trying to steady her confidence. "There's my brave and fiery doe coming back. She's a good person, and from what I know of having gotten to know of her, and her time with the captain. I'm more then sure of that. My heart has never not been open to as many truths as you could give it, and I have hope that you'll find one between you and her that you can also be happy with." Scooting over, Drake pat the bed as an invitation for her to come join him on the bed, to sit by his side while they talked further. He could say he was never scared of him leaving her, and the thought of him doing the same had never even crossed his mind, but it was an interesting thought on what a situation like this now brought.

As he waited for her to join him, or not, her choice. He straightened up just a little to not be in such an awkward sitting position given the sincerity of the situation and discussion they were having. "You're my girlfriend, and I've always been of the mind that, that wouldn't change unless you said so. You and I were raised and taught very differently, and its led to some disagreements, but I've always loved you. Even as I share my flesh, which I've never been entirely attached to, my heart has always been another matter. There are very few I would give it to, much less few who have ever earned it. Likewise from the sounds of it, you've peaked into each other's, so regardless of how we move forward... we now including Lys, I think its important to have her there for that, to talk with her."

 

[A_Bibor_Farkas]

Olyv paused at the edge of the bed, gaze flitting between Drake’s encouraging smile and the soft glow of the bedside lamp. She hesitated only a heartbeat before sliding onto the mattress, carefully folding herself beside him. The familiar pull of his presence eased the last of her tremors, and she drew in a steadying breath. “Drake…yer words..they’re more comfort than I’ve dared hope fer,” she murmured, voice thick as velvet. She reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead with gentle certainty. “Aye, poetic or not, I’ll nae hide from the truth of it. I’ll see how the winds blow between me and Lys, but know this..no matter what blossoms, I’ll never be far from you.” She let her hand rest over his, fingers curling around his. Her eyes softened, fierce loyalty shining in their depths. “Ye’ve always held me...heart, soul, and all the rest,in ways most folk only dream of. An’ that gift…’tis not somethin’ I take lightly. If Lys is to be with us in this, then by all means, I’ll sit and speak straight with her. But understand this, love: my heart’s tethered to you first. Every new truth I find, every step I take, it’s always guided by that anchor.” Olyv leaned in, pressing a light kiss to the back of his hand. “So let’s talk with her, let’s find our way together...three hearts, if it comes to that. But ye neednae fret about me wanderin’ off. I chose you long before I ever knew the feel of anyone else’s tender words. An’ I’ll choose you still, every sunrise to every moonlit night.”

 

[Jack Pine]

"Then how about we savor this moonlit night for a while before we go do that, and give you a chance to settle those nerves. Once you've had a time to breathe, we can go talk to her, no need to rush in this," Drake offered, holding her close at his side, letting her use him to bare all the weight. At the offer, he'd physically put forward the invitation to have them settle back on the bed, to retreat deeper into the covers together. To just lay in the peace, and share in each other and their warmth in a familiar bed where they've done so many times before. He always made sure it remained a sanctuary for her, having never shared this bed with another, never having brought any partner here. Only Olyv had ever shared this bed with him, and he'd keep it that way until they both decided otherwise together. Maybe that would happen soon, another accepted to this sanctuary of a messy bunk, and their combined clutter.